cj Sez: I like to
write as much into deep point of view as I can. I’m not always successful, and
it always takes a few edit cycles to get what I want.
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| (All the 'toons are from Facebook) |
Deep point of view is intense. It encompasses the sights,
sounds, and actions, filtered through a point of view character but goes deeper
into her/his emotions, actions, and reactions. In deep point of view, the
character owns the page.
Following are a couple of the tips I picked up a few years ago
from a blog and adopted into my writing: (The
examples are from my work in progress which, of course, will be honed even
further.)
1. Make as many of your dialogue tags disappear as
possible.
Dialogue tags do clarify a speaker, but they also remind readers that they are reading a story. In deep point of view, tags are often replaced by
action, body language, voice description, emotion. How the words are said and
the actions behind the words reveal a lot about a character’s emotional state
of mind.
Distant point of view: “That’s not
something I care to share,” she said.
The reader can’t understand what she means. Is she naturally
a private person? Maybe she’s being a bit belligerent.
Deeper: “That’s not something I care
to share,” she said, wadding her napkin into a ball.
Her action gives a clue that what she doesn’t want to share upsets
her. The “she said” reminds readers that they’re reading a novel, and it’s also
redundant. (If dialog is in the same
paragraph as the character’s action, then the action character is also the
speaker.) In this sentence, I would have to eliminate the action to make it
correct. But I want to give the character some emotional action to develop the persona
more fully. So, let’s go deeper still.
Deeper still: “That’s not something
I care to share.” She wadded a napkin into as tight a ball as she could get it then
started picking it apart with her fingernails, shredding the paper into a pile
of confetti.
The character’s body language adds a deeper point of view. The
character’s emotional state of mind is revealed…without telling.
2. Make your thought words/sense words disappear
Thought words/sense words are telling words. They put an
author on the page and again remind readers they are reading a novel. They are contrary
to the “real life experience” of deep point of view.
How often do you personally think, I’m thinking about tomorrow’s party? Or I’m wondering if … whatever?
You don’t. And if you’re writing in deep point of view, your
characters don’t either. Oh, they’ll think, wonder, and see, hear, and feel; but
they won’t add the filter words. They’ll just do it.
Distant: She felt his hands around
her throat and wondered if she was going to die.
The reader doesn’t
feel what the character feels. The author has told the reader what the
character thinks/feels.
Deep: She tore at the fingers squeezing her throat.
This is it. I’m going to die.
(No thinking. No
wondering. Just showing what’s happening and pulling in the reader.)
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Another tip: Our worldviews are shaped by our life experiences
and expectations. These are also the things that make up characters’
backstories. Ergo: Know your characters so thoroughly that you know reflexively
how they will react in every situation.
As you explore deep point of view, know that there are many
reasons to break the rules. Explore and discover the tips and tricks, and then
use what works for you and your story. Remember, you are in charge…you are the
captain of your story.
Let me know what you think. Will you go exploring?
Be sure to stop by Wednesday and read what author Joan
Leotta has to say about how to get paid to write for essay markets.
Okay, you-all guys keep on keeping on, and I’ll try to do
the same.
cj
cjpetterson@gmail.com
Deadly Star -- Kindle / Nook / Kobo
Love your examples. Makes me want to do a search on my mss for 'felt' and 'wonder' and rewrite!
ReplyDeleteGreat article - I'm trying to get to grips with writing in deep POV but get tripped up on the body language. I know I'm supposed to write about anything that the character can see, hear or feel. But can I use "she screwed up her nose". (My argument would be should could feel that.)
ReplyDeleteI agree that your character would feel when "she screwed up her nose."
ReplyDeleteThe deep point of view can be difficult but it certainly keeps the author from intruding into the story. In today's writing world, it's always good when readers can get so involved in the story they forget they are reading a book. When the author steps in and tells what the character meant or looks like, that stops the process.
Thanks for stopping by, Robyn, and I'm happy the article gave you some tips.
Marilyn (aka cj)
PS: Way too quick on the enter button: I needed to finish my thought.
ReplyDeleteDepending on where the phrase is in the scene, the reader might not quite understand why your character screwed up her nose, so maybe add something like, "She screwed up her nose when the smell got strong enough to make her eyes water." That gives the body language a reason to happen that the reader will feel and see.
Marilyn (aka cj)
Hi Marilyn - thanks for the advice. That certainly gives me something to work with.
ReplyDelete